Finding Your Tribe

Have you ever heard the quote,
"You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with."?
This statement usually applies to our financial situation, i.e. we tend to earn the average of the 5 people we spend the most time with. However, it also applies to many other areas of life, such as weight, confidence, ambition, hobbies etc.

So, why is this the case? And why is it useful you know?

We are social animals. We want to fit in. So, we tend to adapt our behaviours and even our thinking patterns to fit in with those around us. We are influenced by the thought patterns, behaviours, beliefs and habits of other people. If you spend a lot of time with other entrepreneurs, who believe that it is possible to be very successful, then you are likely to adopt that same belief. You will talk about success and learn from each other how to achieve it. We also tend to adopt the behaviours of the people we spend time with. So, if you associate with people who take daily action to become more successful, then you are likely to be very motivated to do the same. Associating with people who are more successful than you can also give you better opportunities.
If, on the other hand, you spend time with negative people, the opposite happens. You start to believe the limiting beliefs that you hear from them. You will subconsciously copy the lazy actions and habits which pull you back from success. Start to notice who you associate with and become aware if they bring you up or push you down.

When we take a new step in our life, such as setting up our own therapy business, you can find that people who have known you for a long time can be quite negative about this. This is very common. People can be quite critical of you setting up your own business, particularly if you are giving up a good job to follow your dream. Usually, this behaviour comes from a good place. Your friends and family might be more risk averse than you and they are trying to protect you by discouraging you from taking that step.
Unfortunately, sometimes when other people are negative about your goals, it can be because they are jealous. Perhaps they would love the freedom of being their own boss but have never had the confidence to go for it. It can also be because they are worried that you will change. Many people can be very resistant to any form of change. Of course, we want to be accepted by friends and family. We often don't want to stand out as being different. We hate the though of our friends saying that we have become arrogant. It is really tough to continue striving for your dreams if you are being actively discouraged. The solution to this is to surround yourself with like-minded people. Create a tribe of supporters. Ensure that your five people are people who will encourage you to be a better person.

So, how do you do this? Fire all your friends and disown your own mother? Maybe not. There are much more subtle ways to do this.

First of all recognise that people have a different opinion to you. They are viewing the world as they see it not as you do. Learn to block out these negative opinions. Secondly, make a conscious effort to spend less time with people who are very critical of your dreams in life. Thirdly, find people who do believe in you.

There are probably already people in your social circle who are living the lifestyle you would like to live. Spend more time with these people. Ask their advice. Find out how they achieved their goals. A therapist peer support group is also a great way to connect with like-minded people. If there isn't one in your local area, you can probably find a group on Facebook.

As children, we learn by copying adults. This is a process called modelling. However, this type of learning does not end with childhood. For example, when you begin a new job, you learn by copying your colleagues. We can use modelling to our advantage. Identify someone who has achieved what you want to achieve. Then observe them. Notice how they speak. How do they use body language? How do they approach different situations? How do they speak and think about challenges? What daily habits do they have? What actions do they take to move towards success? Once your have observed their way of thinking and doing things, you can adopt these patterns into your own behaviour.

If you know your role model personally, then that's great. However, you are not limited to people you know. Perhaps your role model is someone like Richard Branson, Oprah Winfrey or Tim Ferriss. You can still model high profile people. You can do this by reading their autobiographies. You can watch YouTube interviews with them. You really do have so many great resources available to you.


Have a think about what questions you would like to ask your ideal tribe.

For example:
How do they handle criticism?
How do they handle failure?
How do they achieve a work / life balance?
What is the best investment they have ever made in their business?
What would they tell their younger self?
Which limiting beliefs have they had to overcome?
What daily routines do they have to create the right mind set for success?

Surrounding yourself with the right people is essential for success. Start taking action today.


Get the 7 Steps To Create A Successful Therapy Business here.